The Bottom Freaking Line
by Inkpress00
Summary: To parody or not to parody? Why, the answer is simple. Mary Sue, of course. Erm, I mean, yes. Yes we shall. A Teen Titans parody.
1. Noticable Things from Crappy Fanfics

Welcome to The Bottom Freaking Line. As you can see, I've resumed writing Teen Titans-related fics, if only to parody them. I'll be stabbing at all of the classic parody topics, both overused and not!... well, at least I'll be putting my own spin on them. I hope you enjoy!

* * *

"Well, I don't know about you four, but I, for one, am bored," Raven stated in a typical, melancholy, sardonic tone that was unique to only her *coughandSasukecough* in Fanficworld, which was usually known as Fanfiction DOT net.

Starfire looked up from licking her jiggly, weird, odd-colored, disgusting, heap of pink-ish Jell-o and cooking her pet Silkie, a jiggly, weird, odd-colored, disgusting, heap of pink-ish Jell-o worm thing. "No, friend Raven, I am not bored. I am having most of the fun friend, because Silkies are an excellent source of protein! I learned it from the friend Bear Grills."

"Duuuuude!!!!" shouted Beast Boy, since he says that.

"Booyah!" shouted Cyborg, since he says that.

"Titans, go!" shouted Robin since he says that.

"Friends, please stop using the cliched catchphrases that have been given to you by the evil corporation known as 4Ki– I mean, Cartoon Network. Or the whatever created us."

"Stop saying 'the'! And I don't think we were created by Cartoon Network. At least, not the new one. It's too stupid now. What with all of its Ben 20, Secret Saturdays, and Adult Swim. Hell, I'm not even sure if those are all on CN. Maybe some are on Nickelodeon."

"Hey, how's the reader supposed to know who's talking if you don't announce yourself after your quote?"

"Friends, does anyone know who is talking now?"

"Duuuuude!"

"Starfire, Beast Boy, and now me, Raven," stated Raven triumphantly. "See? That makes everything much easier. _And_ I added a 'triumphantly'! Booyah!"

"Raven, stay in character!" Robin chastised. "Hey, that _is_ better."

"Duuuuuuuuuuude, duude dude dude, duuuuuuuddddddeee."

"You said it, BB. Booyah!"

Raven shook her head degradingly and went back to her book that the author just decided she had. "It was never established before, you see, but I _always_ have a book. Even in the midst of a battle." She pointed to an archive of Fanfics. "See, in this one," she continued, pointing to one which opened, "See, right there, Cinderblock attacked, and I pulled out my book from inside my cloak. See! See! Right there. I started reading. And then I got knocked out, and... oh. Never mind. The book was a cheesy plot device designed for me to get distracted, and then Beast Boy would come to my rescue. My bad, that would never happen." She closed the web browser, muttering, "Stupid shippers."

"Duuuuude, that might happen," Beast Boy protested.

"BB, we're trying to portray a sense of realism here. And speaking of realism, when would I ever even _say_ 'BB'?" Raven snarled, glaring at the author.

"Sorry! It won't happen again!" the author shouted apologetically.

"Good," she replied, picking her book back up, even though there was no indication that she had put it down in the first place. "This is shameless," she muttered, reading Poe or some other creepy poet. Or perhaps she was reading about Malchior or Rorek or whatever his name had been. Either way, she continued reading the book that had seemingly appeared in her hands.

"Speaking of Malchior," she said aloud, (the reader was expected to suppose who she was talking to on their own – actually, it wasn't apparent if she was speaking to herself or not.) "I wonder whan the Mary Sue chapter will be appearing?"

"Actually Raven," Robin pointed out, "I don't think there was supposed to be a question mark after that. It was more of a statement than a question, if you were talking to yourself."

"But I don't know if I was talking to myself. The reader assumes so, but then again, you can never be sure with these Fanfiction writers.

Then the author left out a close quotation, just to prove a point. Or maybe it was a typo. Either way, it worked.

"...Is anyone going to answer my question?" she asked after a long pause.

"Dude, I hope it comes soon, dude, cause usually I'm paired up with all of the Mary Sues (and occasionally Gary Stus), so the Mary Sue chapter will be when I finally get some action in this fic!"

"Beast Boy. This is the first chapter," Raven said scathingly.

He shrugged. "Oh well." Then, for good measure, he added, "Dude."

"And on that note, I think I'm in the position to say some token black guy things, and the episode is supposed to end! But since this isn't a failed attempt at an episode of _Teen Titans_ (rather, a _parody_ of a failed attempt at an episode of _Teen Titans_), I guess there really isn't any episode _to_ end here, now is there."

"I think there was supposed to be a question mark at the end of that, Cyborg. That was more a question than a statement," Robin put in helpfully.

"Shut the hell up, y'all," Cyborg said cheerfully to the camera, pushing Robin out of the picture by the face and grinning broadly.

"Duuuudes!! We have a camera crew now!"

"Yes, friends! The friends on the crew of cameras have been hired by the friend Glen Murakami to be our friends and do our bedding!"

"...Stafire, I think – no, I _hope_ you mean bidding."

"Yes, bidding! That is the word."

Raven rolled her eyes. "Apparently Robin has become the new spelling and grammar dictionary. Good job."

He tsked. "Raven, there should have been a comma in there somewhe– oof!" he yelled as a lighting bolt of dark energy shot him off screen once again, where he would stay, recovering, for the rest of the chapter.

"And on that note, I think I'm in the position to say some token black guy things, and the 'episode' _will_ end!" Cyborg shot his proton cannon at the screen, and it went fuzzy. Then, pushing the screen out of the way a little, he popped his head in to add a side note. "Don't worry, it'll be up and running again for the next chapter."

* * *

Review, s'il vous plait!


	2. The Unrelated Fluff of Many

That took a while. Sorry.

* * *

Raven socked another pointless crossover character in the stomach, which was entirely OOC for her, but whatever. "Why did the author have to do this to us? Why?" she wailed, which was entirely OOC for her, but whatever.

Starfire looked at her nonchalantly. "I do not mind them. At least they are easy to destroy," she replied.

Robin jumped in. "GUUUUUUYYYYYYYSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! They're not supposed to be here for another few chapters, at least! Let's all go back to the tower already!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11111111!!!!eleven!1111!!!!111!!!!!" he whined, heavily overusing the '1' key.

Raven stopped and teleported, because she does that. A lot.

Sarfier apparently teleported too, because she does that. A lot. Also, she misspelled her name. Because she does that. A lot. "Friends I like the way my name now spelt now friends so I'm gonna keep it this way friends by the way I wouldn't usually speak like this but it's fanfiction so friends who cares friends" and she left out and end mark, because the author couldn't figure out if they wanted a question mark or a period. They also left out any punctuation in general, as well as adding several (unnecessary) 'friends', because they did that. A lot.

So the crossover characters were left to wander around aimlessly like the people in RollerCoaster Tycoon do when you drop them in the woods. Ha! Ahem...

****

Beast Boy surfed the net, reading about several different actual animes, because, as we all know, Teen Titans (trademark) was an anime-influenced western cartoon (trademark). In another words, it was a crossover fic made into an actual television show by people with lots of time on their hands.

Then the author totally forgot about what they were writing about in the first place. But then they remembered, so they were inclined to write an Author's Note, explaining what had happened, why, and adding several (unnecessary) "lol's".

As he searched, he came across a website that Cyborg's Parental Controls (applying only to Beast Boy's username) blocked.

The End.

****

"Blackfire?" Robin asked. "What are you doing here? This isn't a sappy story where–"

"Hey, wanna go make out and break my sister's heart, leaving her crying for days on end, until she has a sleepover with a 'reluctant' Raven and realizes that she doesn't need you anymore and gets over it, but not quite, then I leave/get arrested like I did in Sisters, and you figure out it was her you liked all along, but she doesn't care because she's so over you?"

He shrugged. "Sure." So they did. Then, Sarfier saw them kissing by chance *coughdeusexmachinacough* and went off crying for the next few days, until Raven made her have a sleepover with her and Sarfier realized that she didn't need Robin anymore, but didn't quite get over him, then Blackfire left/was arrested like she was in "Sisters", and Robin figured out that he really did love Sarfier, but then she didn't care because she was mostly over him.

And then there were countless sequels because the author thought they were original.

Ha. As if.

****

"Friends, I do not think that I like my name spelt this way anymore..." Sarfier said worriedly.

****

Jinx walked into Titan's Tower and proceeded to go up to her room (FTW?) in another annoying twist of the author's overactive, unoriginal imagination where Jinx had been totally reinvented as a Mary-Sue type character. Apparently, now she had hair that was sort of like Blackfire's, only pink with orange and red highlights and no bangs. She trained with Robin now, so in addition to her actual powers, she was a hand-to-hand combat master. Although, if the author had bothered to pay attention to any of the episodes, maybe they would figure out that Jinx already knew how to do that kind of thing. Except it was more gymnastics than anything else. Anyway, she also had a superspecialawesome outfit made out of pink and black leather with seven belts and thirteen buckles, one of which that held her Yu-Gi-Oh! cards, and six that held different types of ninja-y weapons. And she could fly. There was a whole big story that went along with that, but the author hadn't figured it out yet, and so decided to explain it in later chapters.

****

"Man!" Cyborg exclaimed. "This chapter sucks even worst than the last one!"

(Insert self... insertation here.) "I agree!" The Author said, capitalizing their title because they were really important. Really übersuper important. Anyway, they decided what to capitalize from now on.

"Hey, that isn't fair, dude!" beast boy said, because The Author didn't feel like uppercasing and more b's.

"That doesn't have a negative effect on the rest of us, as long as we don't start any of our sentences with b's," Raven drawled.

"but – damn, I put it at the beginning of a sentence," Robin cursed.

Sarfier looked delighted. "Friends! That means my sister, blackfire, no longer holds any importance whatsoever!" she cried gleefully.

"Eh, I dunno, I'm still doing her Friday," Robin retorted.

"Dude! Same here! She really is a slut, DUDE!" beast boy yelled, although The Author made him yell it, but he went along with it to get his uppercase b's back.

Except he still wouldn't.

billy Numerous popped out of nowhere looking sad. Then he disappeared again after Jinx (restored to her apparently witchlike glory) walked into the frame and pulled him out by the ear. After all, once The Author had taken up the RobinxSarfier pairing, the Mary Sue was no longer an important aspect of the plot. Because The Author was a diehard RxS shipper. And so, all the R's weRe upgRaded. And the m's were downsized. The two s's just cancelled each otheR out. So they weRe all noRmal and stuff. See? Then, The Author cackled and diappeaRed in a puff of smoke, pRobably off to Ruin anotheR pooR, unsuspecting seRies. And so the letters were all returned to their rightious cases.

"Dude, like, where'd she go, dude?" asked Beast Boy, obviously happy to get his B's back, and obviously trying to imitate Shaggy.

Raven shrugged. "Probably off to go ruin another poor, unsuspecting series," she rationalized, because Raven is rational. Also, she was trying to imitate Velma. "And what kind of a name is Velma?" she snapped, reading the narrator's mind.

The narrator shrugged. "An eighties name?" he suggested.

Raven killed him. "Okay... so. Now we have no narrator. How are we supposed to figure out who's talking?"

"You probably should have thought of that _before_ you killed him."

"Shut up! No one's allowed to critizise my mistakes except me!"

"No worries. He'll probably be back in the next chapter."

"Or we could ask The Author for another narrator."

"Nah, she'd just make us lose our capitols again."

"Actually, Raven, it's spelt 'capitals'. 'Capitols' would be like Washington DC or something. Also, your grammar was really off..."

"What did I say about my mistakes! Don't correct me!"

"Sorry."

"Dude!"

"I actually like this. My name is not spelled strangely here."

"Sarfier, Sarfier, Sarfier. It's fine. Sarfier, Sarfier, Sarfier, Sarfier."

"Stop, klorbag!"

"I'm not Beast Boy."

"You are not? Then who might you be?"

"Bumble Bee."

"Cyborg, as much as you like to crossdress (like in _Titananimals _or_ Deception_), please refrain from actually giving yourself the person you're cosplaying as's identity."

"Awww, man."

* * *

And that, my friends, ends the next chapter in our little unrelated, thready saga. I hope you enjoyed it almost as much as the amount of time it took me to finish this chapter... which was a lot. Yeah. Sorry.


	3. The Soapbox of Raven

Enjoy the mashed up randomness of this chapter!

* * *

Jinx popped up. "_Just because_ Kid Flash said that I _maybe_ like unicorns in _one_ _measley_ episode, why is it that in _every_ fanfic I am _always_ portrayed to be a _fanatical freak_ for _anything_ unicorn?" she ranted. Just then, Gizmo tossed a unicorn plushie past her and she ran to fetch it. When she came back, Starfire was taking a turn.

"Why on the Earth does every of the body assume that I have some kind of the fetish for candy? It is most untrue! Unless, of course, The Author is doing the writing of a fic of crack and the candy happens to be spread over Robin's naked body... I believe that is the only time that the candy fetish is what I possess." She then departed to find some crack and An Author to bribe with it.

Raven was standing and ranting on her soapbox now, though she never takes her weird leotard thing off so it's usually all covered in that soap scum stuff from the Dove commercials except for in M rated fics where she showers with Beast Boy, Robin, or sometimes both. Anyway, she was ranting. "I don't not never not sleep in my leotard thing that's covered with imaginary soap scum from the Dove commercials! And why do people always say that I have a thing for wearing lingerie? I hate lingerie, unless it's black and read or sometimes purple and lacy. WHY!"

Robin popped his head out from Iceland or something. "You said 'read' instead of 'red' and you also used too many exclamation points. That's a penalty shot for Germany!"

Cyborg came out from Australia and bitchslapped him. "I am entitled to do that since for some reason, you piss me off for not knowing that you're head over heels in love with Starfire even though most fanfic writers think that you love Raven even though I'm paired up with her a lot for some reason. And most of the time, we do laundry together even though in the show it was never established that we even do laundry, we just have a never-ending supply of uniforms. So there."

Beast Boy stuck his head out from Peru. "Do you think we should stop naming our pets after weird countries and stop letting them eat us? It's getting annoying that we have so many man-eating killer moths."

Speedy, Aqualad, Argent, Hotspot, Bumblebee, Mas and Menos, Thunder (with some difficulty), Lightning, Batman, Flash, Kid Flash, the Martian Manhunter, Wonder Woman, Mulan, Belle, the Beast, Eddie Murphy, Jerry Lewis, Lewis Lovhaug, Doug Walker, Littlekuriboh, and the Planter's Peanut guy all popped their heads out of similarly-named killer-moth-mutant-larvae and proceeded to look rather ticked off at the prospect of having been eaten by strange, slimy, Tamaranean berry-eating creatures from, in most cases, a (or another) fictional universe.

Raven stomped on her soapbox and shoved (with some difficulty) the fictional and non-fictional characters back down the throats of the killer moth larvae. They grew as large as Silkie did in the episode "Can I Keep Him?". They were also never to be mentioned again. So The Author would have to think of other honorary Titans to have as cameos. Oh well.

In any case, Raven stepped down and pushed the stoned Terra up onto the stage, her soapbox magically vanishing. Terra wasn't actually stoned, but she was turned into stone, so therefore she was stoned. For one wonderful (or horrible, depending on whether you're a RaexBB or TerraxBB shipper) minute, she was entitled to her opinion. "Why teh _efffff_ am I always portrayed as a stupid blond bimbo or some kind of sex slave for SLADE? That's Robin's job! Also, I am so sick of being killed by a falling rock or Raven or just sobbing when Beast Boy realizes that he loves Raven or vice versa, even though I always end up dying again or moving to Kalamazoo at the end even if the nine-year-old author is a TerraxBB shipper!waffle! AUUGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!pancake!breakfastsausage!"

Robin promptly escaped from Iceland, the killer mutant moth larva, and swept up all of the excess exclamation points that had rained down like glitter along with the several chunks of rock that had fallen down on Terra's head thereby proving her point. He also swept up the waffle, pancake, and breakfast sausage that had fallen down before Cyborg could cram them in his mouth, the electronic pig.

Beast Boy sobbed at her feet, still not freed from Peru, the killer mutant moth larva, and angsted, chagrined, and cut, along with anything else that happened to be emo and Raven-ish.

"I AM NOT EMO!cgistarwarsanimaljarjarbinks!" Raven yelled emoishly.

Starfire bitchslapped her. "Bitch!lukeiamyourfather!" she pwned. "I AM THE EMOEST EVEN THOUGH I AM NOT SASUKE!darthvaderluvver21!" she yelled... uh... loudly, because the author was not creative enough.

"NOOOOES! I AM THE EMOEST!sladessexxyslave84!" Robin emoed... uh... loudly, because the author was not creative enough.

"NO, BITCHES!disneyfillercharacter! I AM THE AWESOMEST!pocahantusanimalscornandstuff!" Beast Boy shouted, breaking the continuity. Everyone went silent and stared at him. "What?" he asked, oblivious of both his slip up and the strange nouns in between the many exclamation points. "OMMMMMGGGGGGGG, STOP EMOING ME OUT!lampshadelurrrvver36!" he screamed, slashing his wrists in avenge-ment of Terra's death. He died. Bushido came to take his place. Bushido will now be referred to as Beast Boy, but it will be Bushido and he will only speak Japanese because Teen Titans™ is an Anime-Inspired Western Cartoon™ SO THERE BITCHES!edxwinry4evah009!

Superman stepped in and released Flash, Batman, Wonder Woman, and J'onn. "I think that this chapter is about over."

Beast Boy morphed into a pig. "That's all folks!" he called through the throat of Peru, the killer moth mutant larva.

* * *

THANKS, GUYS! Sorry it took me so long to update, but I'm sure that that won't change in the upcoming months. Sorry.


	4. The Green Adventures of Star and BB

Hey! This one was kind of off the top of my head. I also just noticed there's a lot of green going on in this chapter. Oh well. Enjoy!

* * *

"Well, as usual, everything's been reset since last chapter, so we can use the Planter's Peanut guy in a cameo again," Raven stated monotonously.

"Yaaaaay!eskimohulkkittycat! ...Wait, who's the Planter's Peanut guy?" Beast Boy asked, looking up from his porn- erm... _Cosmopolitan_ magazine. Yeah. Cosmopolitan.

"!lithiumcrackradioactive!" Raven hypersugared.

"Ahhh," Starfire ahhhed. "So _that_ is where all of my Pixie Stix™ went. ARRGGGGHHHHH!landslide!" she arrgggghhhhhed, attacking Raven with her stunning, emerald, forest, grass, lime, apple, moss, olive, _green_ laserbolts. From her stunning, emerald, forest, grass, lime, apple, moss, olive, _green _eyes.

Raven danced away, out the window, and kept dancing in midair. Never to be seen again. Or, at least, until The Author decided she should come back. Instead, she visited Rorek in his coven- erm... _house_. Yeah. House. They had wild, crazy, dark magic-y foods and stuff. Ha, betcha didn't think I would say FOOD, did you?

"H-O-T-W-I-R-E Hotwire dot com!" Robin advertised, suddenly breaking into song.

Cyborg joined him. "Freeee credit report dot com..." he sang, and they linked arms and joyfully skipped out the Raven-shaped indent in the window (increasing the width and changing the shape to a Robin-and-Cyborg shaped hole), and kept skipping in midair. Never to be seen again. Until, perhaps, the next chapter.

Starfire and Beast Boy watched this spectacle, then looked at each other and cackled menacingly. Then, Beast Boy whipped out a massive cauldron from behind his back and they dropped Silkie in it, the water suddenly turning green and the flame under it turning... chartreuse. Hooray for colorful language choices!chartreuseisgreen!

Starfire stirred it with a giant wooden spoon, suddenly wearing a witch hat and cloak. "Hehehehe..." she hehehehed.

Beast Boy turned into a frog and lept onto her shoulder. Then he turned into an elephant, not phazing Starfire in the slightest. She looked casually at him, then picked him up and stuffed him into the cauldron. She hit him repeatedly over the head with the spoon, doing nothing. He turned back into a human and sunk slowly into the green liquid.

"HAHAHAHAHAHA!amazonkindle! I am the ruler of all!productplacement! PWN, BITCHES!zoolmotherfuckerzool! She then proceeded to throw the cauldron out the window, creating a caudron-shaped hole next to the Robin-and Cyborg shaped hole, where it fell and hit Aqualad in the head, thereby killing him and the toxic waste in the cauldron killed all the fish in the lake/bay/ocean/whatever.

Silkie crawled out, being the mutant killer moth larva that he was, and swam off to join Fixit, who suddenly gained powers in the last season somehow. They skipped off together as well as Silkie, being a mutant killer moth larva, could. Then, they started singing cheap, old ads for old laundromats.

Then Starfire ripped off her wig, then, with annoyance, her pink one from _Sisters_, revealing Blackfire's hair. She then flew through the window (creating a Blackfire-shaped hole) and was arrested on behalf of all the Titans for copyright infringement.

The end.

(A/N: Look up chartreuse. I dare you. And I know that those are really old ads, but those are the ones that come to mind when I think of well-known jingles. Other than "Patriot protects your home, Patriot home improvement.")


	5. Slythering Cyborg or The Void Chapter

Robin adjusted his hat. "Well, after Cyborg and I went on that shopping spree, I think we're glad to be back. What say you, Watson?"

Cyborg cleared his throat primly and removed his pipe from his mouth, fixing his monocle. "Quite, quite," he muttered, reading a book with his suddenly added third arm. Because, you know, you can't do all three things at once. It might hurt.

Starfire sat on the couch, moping. "I wish that my few takes were longer last chapter. Blackfire ended up stealing the show." A little fairy came up to her and waved her magic wand around a bit but was squashed by Raven.

"Damn mosquitoes..." she muttered, going back to her book. Cyborg looked at his hands, confused as to why he suddenly wasn't reading anymore. He shrugged, throwing out his disguise and going back to the Playstation. I mean, Gamecube. I mean, Gamestation. It's shiny. Yes. It is... quite shiny. Beast Boy came back from his flashback of debatably the crackiest Teen Titans episodes ever and sat down with him to play the Console of Copyright Issues.

All of the sudden, they were plucked out of the Tower by the Giant Squid from Harry Potter, sending pieces of glass showering over the rest of the Titans. They barely flinched. Raven rocked on her heels. "So... some weather we've been having, huh?" she asked, trying to break the silence that didn't exist due to Beast Boy and Cyborg's desperate screaming, though no one seemed to notice... until Seamus Finnigan tapped Robin on the shoulder.

"Oy, 'arry. Where's the Griffindor common room?" he asked, not realizing that Harry would never be caught dead looking as much like a traffic light as Robin did.

Robin turned around. "Oh, go down The Corridor, take two left turns until you hit Raven's laboratory, then take a right at the Starfire's Room of Extreme Fluffiness and Pink and Purple, go straight until you hit Beast Boy's indoor petting zoo, then climb the ladder up into Cyborg's game room he built in that one episode, then you'll find the portrait of the Fat Lady. The password is 'crossover'." Robin stopped for a breath. "By the way... who the hell are you and how'd you get in here?" he asked, puzzled.

Seamus nodded in comprehension, completely ignoring the last couple of questions Robin asked. "Alright, that 'elps. See you 'round, 'arry!" he ran off down the wrong hallway, waving behind him.

Robin smacked his forehead with the heel of his hand.

Raven stared at Snape critically. Then she tried to exorcise him while Voldemort and Slade laughed joyfully in the backround, skipping around with their arms linked.

Beast Boy gave Ron a high-five. "Dude! We're both comic relief characters! Dude!"

"Wicked!" Ron replied.

Starfire ate Hermione's cat. Then she ate Peter Pettigrew while in rat form. Then she turned back into a human-shaped alien and proceeded to kill Bellatrix and Narcissa at the same time. By eating them.

Cyborg stood off to the side. "There were no token black guys in Harry Potter... curse you, Rowling!" he shouted, shaking his fist up at the ceiling. He sighed. "Oh well... I guess I could always go play Quidditch with the Slytherin house team." So he did, and found out he had some kind of natural talent somehow and utterly owned all of the other teams on his first try, despite never even mounting a broomstick before, and not even knowing the rules. He was just that awesome.

Raven finished her exorcism and turned to Robin. "So this is the crossover chapter, huh?" she asked, making idle conversation as they watched Voldy and Slade (who were now skipping through fields of flowers) in disgust.

He tore himself away from the display to talk to her. "I suppose so. What cliché brought them here, you think? A rift in space? Were they just here the whole time? Are they the Titans of the future? Sent by Blackfire? Trained by Batman? Recruited by Mad Mod? Part of a weird spell gone wrong?"

Raven chose one at random. "I suppose they're the Titans of the future. How do we get rid of them?" she asked as the tower collapsed around them. "I know everything will be back to normal in the next chapter, but they're a pain. I mean, really. What kind of person builds a flower-filled field in the middle of someone's house?" she said crossly, folding her arms. "It's so rude."

Starfire skipped by them.

Robin raised an eyebrow. "...Anyway. Can't you just send them to Azarath or something?"

Raven shook her head. "No, I don't feel like it. We could always do something over-the-top and unnecessary."

Robin nodded in a leader-ish sort of way. "Right. Cyborg! Get over here!"

He begrudgingly made his way over to the two. "What?" he grumbled. "I was in the middle of being all awesome at a made-up sport."

Robin looked at him seriously. "We need you to cut to the next chapter for us," he told Cyborg gravely.

He gasped. "W-what? But I don't think I can do that!"

"We know you can, Cyborg. You did it in one of the previous chapters already," Raven chimed in. "You'll do great," she comforted, laying a hand on his shoulder in a non-Ravenly way.

Cyborg nodded nervously. "Okay," he agreed nervously. He took a deep breath and everything went black.

"Um... dudes, why'd the power just go out?"

"It is probably because the Harry Potter is the practicing the magic on the control the panel in the basement."

"Awww! And I was just having my awsome climax-thingy!"

"Oh well. It appears I'll have to cut this chapter off. Goodbye everyone."

There came a chourus of unenthusiastic 'byes' from various places around the tower. Which had mysteriously healed itself. _Myseriously_. It probably had something to do with M. Night Shymalan.

-End Chapter-

That's the long overdue crack-fest that somes from too long of not watching a single TT episode except for _Employee of the Month_. God, that's a weird one.


	6. The 'Dumb' in 'Dumber'

So... special present for you guys today. You get two chapters in one day... happy fourth of July. Three days late. Anyway.

* * *

Beast Boy answered the door after it rang a few times. "Excuse me, sir. I need you to sign this," a bored teenager in a FedEx uniform said, holding out a clipboard and pen. Beast Boy did so, wondering what it was that they had ordered...

The boy stepped behind a massive box with air holes in it and pushed it in the front door. "Here you are. Have a good day now, sir." He got into his truck and drove away, Beast Boy not even bothering to question how the heck he even got to the island. Instead, he focused on the box.

When he didn't see anything particularly dangerous about it (Aside from, you know, the air holes and the words 'fragile', 'handle with care', and 'this end up' on it. And the AIR HOLES. Beast Boy's stupid, huh?), he summoned the others from their various stereotypical activities that they were engaged in (Those were some big words, right? I got them off an online thesaurus and dictionary.)

Raven appeared next to him (They make such a cute couple, don't they? ;3) along with Robin and Cyborg, who came from the garage where they were talking about car stuff (lol, Cyborg's always kissing his car lol lol lol!icecreamtruck!), followed by Starfire (omg she's such a slut!arizonaicedtea! Robin's mine!hesjustafictionalcharacter!).

She landed next to Robin (Who's mine!ilikeshreddingpaper! I called him!) and he stepped away from her (Woot!dumpster! Did I mention this was the chapter where I horribly overexaggerate people's use of author's notes? Woot!showmethecarfax!).

She started to cry (Ha!freekittens! Serves that beotch right!1birthdaycake!) and ran to her room (omg I ttly want her room!johndeere! It's so kawaii!cropcircle!) still sobbing.

THE END

A/N: OMG, I'm like, totally goin on hiatus!hallmarkgreetingcards! Sorry everyone, I know you'll be waiting wicked long for the second chapter and stuff, but I promise I'll totes be back!rangerrick! Love you all!porcupines!

~next chapter~

OMG!fingerpaint! This is an author's note saying that I totes can't keep up with all you guys!wallpaper! I'm cancelling!boxcarchildren! sORRY!themagictreehouse!

~end story~

But the Titans never knew what was in that box...

So I'll tell you.

Next chapter.

Without all of the stupid author's notes.

* * *

You know, it's really hard to keep coming up with random nouns to put in between the exclamation marks. You wouldn't think so, but... it is. Yeah. First person to send me a theme for those words will actually have me use them!lampshade! Also, you'll get a mention in the ending or beginning Author's Note. Isn't that totally a goal to go for? Yes. Yes, it is.


	7. The Obligatory Mary Sue Chapter

Well... that took a painfully long time. I really couldn't think of anything good for this chapter after the first page, so, um. Yeah.

On a better note. I love hearing from you guys – it encourages me to write more. Seriously, I have the best readers ever.

Especially thanks to _Downward Spiral 1_ and _ilikeotters_, who are great. I know I said that only one reviewer would be on here, but... they're my rules, I can change them.

On a funnier note:

* * *

Robin peered into the giant box through one of the air holes, and was promptly poked in the eye. "Oh, great," he groaned, "The Mary Sue/Gary Stu chapter came."

Beast Boy emitted a loud "Yes!lawnmower!" and jumped into the air, holding the pose for a few seconds.

Raven pulled him down by the collar. "Idiot," she muttered.

Robin pried the box open with a crowbar, even though he had several friends next to him that could have just as easily opened it without nearly as much expended energy. But anyway.

As the _giant_ crate fell open, each of the Titans were tackled by a seperate OC. "Augghhh!" They all yelled. Simultaneously.

A girl with green hair, eyes, and skin wearing a matching outfit as Beast Boy's (which didn't make sense, when you thought about it) jumped off of Beast Boy. "I'm Beast Boy's long-lost twin sister, Beast Girl, and I know I doesn't make even one iota of sense, but here I am."

A dark and smexy individual also stood up. "I am Raven's long-lost lover from Azarath, Darknightcrowblackblood. Hi."

Another girl stood up as well, stepping on Robin's face but paying no mind. She had long black hair and green eyes. "Hi. I'm obviously Robin and Starfire's kid, from the future, Nightsomethingorother."

Yet another strange person stood up along with the others. "I am Starfire's long-lost lover from Tamaran, Somethingfire. Hi."

Future Silkie wriggled on top of Cyborg. "Aww, man. I don't get any out-of-place plot additions.

Beast Boy scowled. "You think you got it bad. All I got was a damn long-lost sister. Everyone else got either long-lost lovers or, in Star and Robin's case, proof that they're destined for each other."

Robin and Starfire's spawn came and picked up Future Silkie from Cyborg's head. "Bad mutant freak of nature! I told you not to come with me!" she scolded.

"You're wrong!" Darknightcrowblackblood proclaimed triumphantly to Beast Boy. "I'm here to provide sexual tension. You and Raven will undoubtedly end up sexing each other after you banish me back to Azarath one Raven finds out I was in league with Trigon this entire time." He paused. "And you'll most likely have a threesome between Nightsomethingorother and Future Silkie and possibly regular Silkie."

Somethingfire fist-bumped Darknightcrowblackblood. "Cool. I'm here for sexual tension too, but will have to go back to Tamaran for business. Apparently, I was in Mithril on Tamaran or something."

Raven and Starfire each pulled their respective previous-sex-object into their rooms to... do stuff.

Cyborg and Beast Girl started eyeing each other before dashing off together. Robin and Beast Boy pouted. "What in the heck are we supposed to do while our love interests are smexing their-" He was interrupted by Darknightcrowblackblood and Somethingfire being tossed out of Raven and Starfire's rooms. Before they could protest, they were dragged in.

"Well, that was fast," Nightsomethingorother commented. "I guess The Author just decided to be bored with this fic and abandon it."

Darknightcrowblackblood and Somethingfire scowled at her before Nightsomethingorother shrugged. "Threesome?" she suggested.

Darknightcrowblackblood and Somethingfire exchanged glances, shrugged and got up. "Sure," they said. Simultaneously.

OMG LIKE THE END!jpop!

* * *

Next Chapter: HAHA izza surprise suckers.


	8. The Common Fanfic in 585 Words

So yeah... I really am committed to this story. Seriously. Please believe me...

Well, I got positive feedback for last chapter. Personally, I didn't like it at all, but I guess you guys will just take whatever I throw at you (which I'm not complaining about, believe me), so here's some more. And I do apologize if your head hurts after this, but mine does whenever I read these truly _brilliant _works of art.

* * *

Beast boy was sleeping in dog form on the couch which is odd really because he could just as easily nap in human form on the couch or even in his room but anyway he was just lying there minding his own business or whatever when the doorbell rang he tentatively got up remembering last time but figured that it had just been a fluke so he went to get it. outside was a random girl with a piece of paper in her hand and she was looking anxiously up at the tower. 'hi are you beast boy' she asked? 'yeas' he said.

(It was undecided whether The Author meant "Yes" or "Yeah" in this particular instance. One would assume the former, but you never can tell.)

She smiled and ran inside running into all the other titans who were here now for some reason 'who are you' robin asked? 'i am superfantasmicawesomegirl. worship me' so they did! And then they built a shrine to her and she dated everyone in the titans at least once and had a horribly terribly conceived back-story of a tragic past and whatnot and every single person that looked at her loved her instantly because that was one of her powers apparently and she was cooler than batman who happened to be her uncle and her mom was batmans long lost sister and she had a horrible terrible life with her dad beating her for being a freak and then batman saved her after her dad killed her mother even though batman didnt know he even had a sister anyway then she lived happily ever after the end.

Robin fainted, because there was way too much grammar to correct.

Starfire, Beast Boy, Cyborg, and superfantasmicawesomegirl got married (WTF?).

Raven tutted and went back to her book, then threw it across the room in an irritated rage. "ALL I WANT TO DO IS PLAY GAMESTATION!hahauncanon! WHY IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR!" she roared. Then she picked up a controller and proceeded to beat every score known to mankind and set some physically impossible scores leaving all of the good folks at Sonintendo to scratch their heads and wonder if they had coded the games wrong.

THE END! ! !

OR WAS IT?

Actually, yes. It _was_ the end. Not the fourth season finale, though, even if it was probably the best storyline of the entire show.

* * *

My poor readers. My poor work ethics. I have abandoned them both in search of a life. This _**incredibly**_, _**ultra****-short**_ chapter is to tide all of you over.

And I really am a big fan of the fourth season. Don't get me wrong, season five was okay and all, but... it lacked the darkness and depth I think it was going for.


	9. The Author's Sibling's Friend's Cousin

Hello, loyal readers. I seem to have drawn a bigger crowd with this dumb parody than I thought I would. Though I suppose that's not to be helped, as I've found that the use of proper grammar tends to draws attention rather than what was barely touched upon in last chapter. I've seen that, too. I got a really bad migrane from trying to beta one once. The moral here: do not beta for people with no sense of _anything_ that characterizes writing.

And now, the chapter. Enjoy, you saps.

* * *

Raven walked down The Corridor That Led To The Ops. Room, even though it was never actually called that in the show. The Ops. Room, that is, not The Corridor That Led To The Ops. Room. Because it would be too much work to actually put that in subtitles like what Totally Spies did for every single location they were ever in.

Anyway, she was walking down it and The Author decided to have her suddenly switch bodies with a random member of the team, a love interest or something that set up a potential love interest for her because The Author was "lyke, a ttl giant numbah wan fan of Rae-Rae!" even though no self-respecting Raven-fan would ever call her Rae-Rae since, as we all know, she hates that. An odd small bit of trivia to draw from the show, but hey, whatever floats people's boats. And that's a normal paragraph for most Inuyasha and Teen Titans fan writers. (Believe me, I've read more than enough to know that.)

Apparently The Author was a BBxRae shipper, so Raven switched bodies with Starfire (FTW?) because, apparently, BB and Starfire were meant to be together and then BB falls in love with Raven or something. Also, The Author knows what Starfire would act like in Raven's body and vice versa seeing as there was actually an episode dedicated to this and it was therefore not a very original idea in the first place, even if half of the fics are BB and Raven or Raven and Robin switching bodies. AlsoRobinfallsinlovewithRaven/Starfire. But's that's a subplot even though it's technically more canon than the main plot and therefore has an actual basis for a fic. But of course, real logic takes a blindfolded, handcuffed ride in the trunk down to a lake compared to the warped mind of an inadept twelve-year-old mind.

Raven then smacked The Author in the head. "Where do I get my say in this?" she asked menacingly. Then, out of terror, The Author deleted the story, ridding the world of one more of these redundant stories...

...But then the neighbor of the cousin of the schoolmate of the sibling of The Author published three more because they thought it was original. The three were the ones mentioned above. And then Raven used The Force to slowly bring The Author's sibling's schoolmate's cousin to their knees...

The End.

* * *

And so concludes another shockingly short chapter. I had actually lost my flash drive that everything (including this chapter) was on for a week, so I'm really sorry about that. Thank's for bearing with. For next week: I am taking suggestions unless I pull something from the unsightly depths of Fanfictiondotnet... I highly recommend telling me what to do. I'll pick from my choices and mention my who won in the A/N next time.


	10. You've Heard Of A Self Insert

...But how about a Disney insert?

I can't believe I took so long... I am so sorry! The beginning of freshman year has been tough, so I haven't gotten much pleasure writing in, and for that I regret. I'll update even quicker now, though.

Also, you should know that motivating me is a good way to get these chapters out. Motivation is reviews. Lots and lots and lots of reviews...

* * *

Raven sat down at the table, mug in hand. Robin sat next to her, reading... the... paper...? Whatever. Anyway, he sat down next to Raven. "More tea? You should lay off," he suggested wisely.

She hmphed. "I don't understand why everyone thinks that I drink herbal tea all the time. I mean, I said it in that one episode, but I just had a cold. I drink hot chocolate all the time. And another thing–" she was cut off by Cyborg, Beast Boy, and Starfire bursting into the room collectively singing the ear-piercing chorus of some Disney movie's main theme song. As Starfire spun around in the air after they were finished, Robin and Raven just stared at the three, their faces void of emotion.

Starfire giggled. "That was a glorious representation of the karaoke type of the fanfiction, was it not?" she exclaimed gleefully.

Raven shook her head desparagingly as BB and Cyborg fumbled with the boombox as it blared out yet another hopelessly vague Disney love song. "Starfire... that's not how they work. The characters themselves have to be singing."

"But... we were," she pointed out, confused.

"No, no, no. What Raven means is that you need to be in the person singing karaoke's shoes or have their perspective. Why do you think it's always soundtrack music?" Robin also pointed out.

Starfire's face brightened with comprehenstion, as you do. "Ah! I see now, Friend Robin (A/N: seriously, where the hell does that come from? It was never mentioned in the show.)!"

She dragged him into the other room for about a full minute, during which Raven sipped her cocoa idly and Beast Boy sidled over to her, tried to cop a feel, and resultingly got his arse thrown across Jump City (A/N: seriously, where the hell does that come from? It was never mentioned in the show.).

When Robin and Starfire respectively walked and floated back in, everything was exactly the same except for one less member of the team currently present. Raven looked up at the positively ecstatic Starfire and the... erm, _less so_ Robin. He was slouched, had his cape wrapped aorund him, and his ears were burning in advance.

Star pushed him over in front of the TV and joined him, rearranging him into a certain pose and striking a similar one. She handed him a microphone whipped out of nowhere and motioned for Cyborg to start the boom box up. He did so, a giant, smug smile on his face that was quickly smothered by Robin's death glare.

He and Starfire started singing, though his voice was a complete monotone.

Starfire: Ha Ha Ha

Mic Check 1, 2, 1, 2

Alright it's working

Yo, welcome to the best collaboration of all time ever made

Starfire and Robin and NBT on the track word!

If I were a rich man

With a million or two

I'd live in a penthouse

In a room with a view

And if I were handsome,

Well it could happen,

Those dreams do come true

I wouldn't have nothin' if I didn't have you

I wouldn't have nothin' if I didn't have you

I wouldn't have nothin' if I didn't have

I wouldn't have nothin'

Robin: For years I have envied

Your grace and your charm

Everyone loves you you know

Starfire: Yes I know, I know, I know

Robin: But I must admit it

Starfire: Go on admit it

Robin: Big guy, you always come through

Starfire: Yes I do, I do, I do

Robin: I wouldn't have nothin' if I didn't have you

You and me together

That's how it should always be

One without the other

Don't mean nothin' to me, nothin' to me

Starfire: Yeah i wouldn't be nothin'

If i didn't have you to serve

Just a punky little eyeball

And a funky optic nerve

Word

Robin: Hey I never told you this but uh,

Sometimes I get a little blue

But I wouldn't have nothin if I didn't have you

Both: Let's dance!

Oh whoa oh whoa oh

Oh whoa oh whoa oh

Oh whoa oh whoa oh whoa oh whoa oh

Oh whoa oh whoa oh

Oh whoa oh whoa oh

Oh whoa oh whoa oh whoa oh whoa oh

Starfire: I wouldn't have nothin

If I didn't have you

Wouldn't know where to go no no

Or know what to do

Both: I don't have to say it

Cause we both know it's true

I wouldn't have nothin if I didn't have you

I wouldn't have nothin if I didn't have you

I wouldn't have nothin if I didn't have

I wouldn't have nothin if I didn't have you!

Raven just looked at them for a long while. "So... why was Robin Emily Osment?"

* * *

I don't really like this song, for the record.

I need a character to center the next chapter around! Any character you want, be it Argent or Aqualad, Kid Flash or Kyd Wykkyd, Mammoth or Melvin. Well, maybe not Melvin. Just whichever character in the show you think would be the funniest. Please don't recommend Larry, I can't exactly parody a filler episode.

Until next time, my lovelies!


	11. Vapid and Uninteresting Pairs featBB

Well, that was a long, painful wait for me... and (hopefully) for you guys as well.

I have the bestest reviewers... I love every one of you guys! Even the ones that don't review... ahem. Yes, you. Perhaps I should spell it out more clearly? M-O-T-I-V-A-T-I-O-N! There shouldn't be any typos...

Anyway, I'm starting a small contest-type-thing. This one applies to the last two chapters, but it won't in the future. So, without further ado, here are the categories and winners!

Awesomest/Nicest Rewiew: Noami.G

Most Faithful Reviewer: Downward Spiral 1 (BTW, this isn't a permanent catergory.) Also second and third places here go to and ilikeotters.

Funniest Review: (N/A)

Longest Review: (N/A)

Only one win per customer. Maybe this will get you guys to be even awesomer.

I AM SOOOO SORRY! YOU POOR THINGS, HAVING TO WAIT SO LONG... high school is tough, so don't think I'm not trying to get chapters out here.

* * *

Bumblebee (sorry) BumbleBee (sorry) bumblebee (sorry) Bumblbee (sorry) Bumble bee (sorry) Bumble Bee (there we go) walked through the Titan's East headquarters where Aqualad was puking, Speedy was doing his hair, and Mas y Menos were... I dunno, maybe they were just running across water or dying for someone's sins. Whatever, The Author didn't really like them, so they weren't here.

Also, Cyborg was here for some reason, even this didn't take place during season three. In fact, The Author didn't specify when it took place. The reader was to assume that it was mid-season, but it was never made clear.

Oh well. Despite the continuity issues presented, there was still the vague hope of this being some sort of parody, or maybe just a fluff piece designed to get Cyborg some action. But no. Instead, this was a retelling of the entire season three arc as seen in Cyborg and Bee's alternating POV's. With added smut and/or mush. Just what this fanbase needed... more illegitimate, crack couplings. Although, there did seem to be at least a little chemistry behind The CyBee pairing. More so than RaexBB or anything to do with Argent or Cheshire Cat. Or Speedy. Or really anyone other than the main team's characters. But if The Author willed it, it must be... and so we end up with Fanfiction DOT net.

Anyway, Cyborg met BB (Bumble Bee) in the middle of the hallway, they had a fluffy moment, and we go on with the rest of our lives since it was a suckily written fic anyway.

The end.

* * *

Hastily ended and extremely short since I had no direction for this thing and I decided to just wrap it up and present it the way it was to you after all. Next up: The November Turkey Day Episode/Chapter!

As always,

Inky


	12. How Does One Stop an Evil Smuthor?

Sorry for the late update last time... schoolwork is haaaaard. Um. Yeah. Oops. Last chapter was the absolute worst yet, I know. Not funny whatsoever. But I just had to get it out! You guys wouldn't have come back and I would have been all alone!... or maybe you just didn't care. Either way, I felt guilty. This chapter shall be funny! Really, it shall. I swear.

* * *

The Author sat at her (because, let's face it, there _are _no men on this site) computer, contemplating what to write. Just then, an Evil Thought came into her mind and an Evil Grin spread across her face. She would write...

Dun...

Dun...

Dun...

...SMUT~!

A bolt of Evil Lightning flashed behind her as she cackled menacingly. "_Now_ I shall get readers," she proclaimed Evilly.

Just then, the Titans appeared, striking a Dramatic Pose. "Not on our watches. Titans, GO!" Robin shouted.

"Dude, we're standing right here. You don't have to be so loud," Beast Boy pointed out.

"It's for the overdramatization, that's all, plus it's my catchphrase. Now go, already!"

They proceeded to beat the living crap out of The Evil Smuthor (she had renamed herself during the explanation) and took her computer.

"Finally, we can get onto the internet without the whole city seeing what we're doing," said Raven, who had found out the hard way that this was the case when she had been on Facebook and got hundreds of requests with little messages attatched that read, "I didn't know you had a facebook, Raven!" in various states of bad grammar and spelling.

In fact, two of these requests turned out to be that Goth kid she met at the rave in Season 1, and the other was Rorek, the actual human, though she was still trying to figure that one out. Both were accepted.

In any case, Raven was quite glad of this new development and proceeded to take the computer form everyone else and set it up in her room, where no one dared go.

But enough of Facebook, whatever happened to the story that The Evil Smuthor had started? Well, Raven was clearing out the unnecessary documents and such to make room for WoW- ahem, _IMVU_- when she stumbled across it. Suddenly, her eyes glazed over and SHE WAS TAKEN POSSESSION OF BY THE EVIL OF THE STORY! NO MORTAL WAS SAFE, NO DOG, NO CHILD, FOR THE WRATH OF RAAAAVVVVVEEEENNNN, WHO HAD DEFEATED TRIGON AND TAKEN BACK THE WORLD, WAS NOW BEING UNLEASHED UNTO THE HAPLESS CITIZENS OF THE NET!

Not really, she just started reading and it was so bad a little anime explosion happened in her mind and she fell back, only to sit back up and angrily delete to thing.

EPIC _THE END_!

* * *

Uhhhhh... so, so much for my promise at the beginning. But next chapter will be funny! TT-TT


	13. Can I Get A Life For Christmas? Anyone?

Thunder was sitting around one day, playing Wii and wondering what he should be doing other than playing video games. Lightning walked into the room and electrocuted the TV and then proceeded to sit down as well. The end.

Beast Boy and Cyborg looked at each other. "Is it just me, or are these things getting worse?" Cyborg asked, unable to believe that anything so uninventive could be on FanfictionDOTnet. "I mean, I expect there to be deus ex machina, overused and recycled crap, even lemon and femslash, but this? Come on, now."

"Dude, don't knock femslash! Erm- I mean, yeah, this sucks."

Cyborg stayed silent for a few seconds and turned to him again. "Wanna go back to Roxas and Axel plushie doll porn?"

"Hellz yeah!"

Robin and Starfire explore their relationship. The end.

Raven and Beast Boy explore their relationship. The end.

Cyborg and Bumble Bee explore their relationship. The end.

Aqualad and/or Speedy gets in the way of one of these relationships. The end.

Yaoi and/or lemon ensues, before the actual love interest comes to save the day. The end.

Raven closed her browser on her new computer, which she managed to retain through the chapter reset somehow. "Romance fics on here just keep getting blander," she commented, before going to FictionpressDOTcom instead.

Beast Boy and Cyborg finished with their 'porn,' then proceeded to play another of their video games, like... uh, Extreme(ly Generic) Car Racing, and... and... oh. That's all they play, isn't it?

Doesn't that get boring?

Oh well, I don't think this was supposed to mirror reality.

Robin closed his browser. "That's the last time I read unfunny parodies of our fanfiction."

La Fin.

* * *

Haha, you get it? Get it? Get it...? Holy crap I need a life. .


	14. What To Do When You Can't Celebrate 101

Heeeellllo again! I hope everyone had a _fantbulous_ holiday season up until now, though I realize that New Year's hasn't happened yet.

It has occurred to me that I have completely disregarded the Reviewer Award, so I shall be faithful to that from now until I say I don't want to anymore.

Just kidding.

But seriously.

Awesomest/Nicest Rewiew: Noami.G

Funniest Review: Linzerg

Longest Review: Sandjewel

Since I only got one review (Noami.G), I'm going to use the results from Chapter 12.

* * *

Cyborg, Robin, Raven, Beast Boy, and Starfire sat on the half-circle couch. Robin looked around at everyone for a while. Finally, he spoke. "_Ohaio_! We have a bunch of stuff to do to today. Like discussing _nani_ we will be doing this upcoming chapter."

Starfire nodded. "_So desu ka_? Ah, so. We must be prepared to do anything. The Author likes to thow random stuff at us, does she not?"

Raven looked from Robin to Starfire, confused. Before she could say anything, however, Beast Boy chimed in. "Dudes! _Ore wa_ –"

Raven hit him over the head with her recently acquired computer. "Shut up! Why is everyone talking like that?"  
"_Nani_?" Cyborg asked, his _VA_ changed to a _seiyuu_.

Raven facepalmed. "Go eat tofu," she muttered, getting up and sulking away.

Robin watched her go, and as soon as the door was shut, he laughed diabolically. "_Yoshi_!" he grabbed the computer. "We now have possession of the trans-chapter laptop! Let us rejoice!" Everyone (except Raven) started cheering 'banzai' and waving their arms around like idiots. Robin stopped suddenly. "We look like morons." Everyone followed suit and ceased their waving of hands. "We must find a new way of celebrating that is both effective and non-detremental to our image. Go forth and find a way!" Robin cried, pointing dramatically in no particular direction. "To victory!" He pranced away to his room.

Several hours later, the foursome reconveined. "Alright, Beast Boy, what have you got?"

Beast Boy looked disappointed. "I procrastinated so long that I completely forgot what we were doing."

Robin blinked at him and pointed at Cyborg. "CYBORG! Whaddya have?"

Cyborg merely shook his head somberly.

Robin turned to Starfire hopefully. "Star?"

Starfire jumped up and flew around the room. "On my planet, there is a day of celebration for everything! You would think I could come up with something, but I couldn't find anything other than horribly maiming slaves and prisoners."

Robin stared at her for a few seconds. "Riiiight. Um... yeah. I didn't come up with anything either."

Just then, Raven walked in, a smug look on her face. "I did. But I won't tell you until you give me back my computer."

"NEVER!"

"Fine, guess you'll be reduced to waving around like idiots every time you want to celebrate anything."

Robin got down on his knees and grabbed her cloak. "Pleaaaaaaaase, Raven? Please tell us? We can give you your computer back, we're sorrrryyyyyyy..."

Raven looked down at the groveling teenage super hero. "Whatever." She flipped him a piece of folded paper which he desperately grabbed out of the air and read.

His face turned menacing. "Wah-hahahahaha! Raven will regret ever giving this to us! MWAHAHAHAHA!"

Cyborg plucked it out of his hands and Robin laughed maniacally and rolled his eyes, handing it to Beast Boy.

"Um, dude. This just says the word 'yay' on it."

* * *

*Scratches back of head sheepishly.* So yeah... I couldn't really think of anything good for the ending. .

KITTY!

Goodbye.


	15. A Crippling Lack of Ideas

…Yeah. It's been a while. Hi. Ahem… I've been grounded and unable to get on for a while, so sorry about that. Anyway, without further ado, Reviewer Awards!

Awesomest/Nicest Rewiew: broadwayfreak123 (While technically not a review per say, she deserves props.)

Funniest Review: N/A

Longest Review: Entrapped In A Downward Spiral

And now, for the reason you actually click on the link:

* * *

Beast Boy folded his arms sullenly. "Well, that was a major waste of internet space."

Robin took a similar pose and nodded. "Yeah. I mean, who would have read that last chapter? So _stupid_."

Cyborg dropped an omelet on Robin's head and a waffle on BB's. "Stop moping. At least this chapter might have a point to it." He looked around. "…Right?"

The Author cackled from high above. Raven sighed. "Guess that's a no, then."

Starfire flew in excitedly. "Friends! Let us all rejoice in the celebration of Gnorfklabif, the celebration of…" she read off a piece of paper. "Um… I cannot read this. The Author needs to write more clearly."

The Author ran in and turned the paper upside down, then ran out.

"Ah!" Starfire said. "I can decipher it now! What was I saying again?" she asked the rest of the Titans, confused.

Raven cleared her throat. "Gnoftabuf or something."

Starfire looked confused. "On my planet, Gnoftabuf is not for another several months and is the celebration of the earth creature aardvark. Perhaps you were referring to Gnuftabof, the celebration of shovels?"

"Star, I think you were talking about Gnorfklabif," Robin supplied.

"Yes! Many thanks, friend. Today is Gnorfklabif, the ancient Tamaranian festival day celebrating sand!"

Raven raised an eyebrow. "Sand?"

"Yes! On my planet, sand is the only thing around for miles, according to the episode Betrothed. Since The Author has not read any of the comics, she has determined that this is suitable enough."

Raven said nothing and went back to her ever-present book.

Beast Boy was engrossed in his video game that he had not been playing before, and Cyborg picked up a controller and joined him. Robin had left in the middle of her speech.

"I suppose that it, along with all fanfics and episodes that Tamaranian activities are in, is pretty much worthless." Starfire nonchalantly threw the vase of sand that she had been holding in the trash and sat down next to the boys, watching the game, not perturbed in the slightest.

Robin walked back in, being dragged by a small flying figure. "What the hell is this? Get it off me!"

Raven looked over at him. "Oh, it seems the Plot Convenience Fairy got out. Hold on." She got up and grabbed a jar off of the counter and trapped the fairy inside it. It pouted, but sighed and set up a TV, flicking it on. Raven brought it back to her room. "Sorry about that. It gets out to make things more interesting (stupid) every once in a while." She sat back down.

The Author cackled once again, and Cyborg looked up. "I don't even want to know." He returned to the game.

Beast Boy laughed maniacally. "HAHAHA! YOU JUST LOST THE GAME!"

Robin cursed and stomped off to his room.

Starfire watched him go confusedly. "Well… anyway, would anyone like to go pizza-eat?"

Raven rolled her eyes. "This is just getting ridiculous. Starfire, it's 'eat pizza'."

"Oh, I know. Writers just like to say that I'm stupid."

Raven nodded. "That makes sense."

Robin came back in. "EVERYONE JUST SHUT UP!"

And then the author ran out of ideas.

The End.

* * *

Thanks for letting me cheat a few minutes out of you. This chapter wasn't funny in the slightest, so…

HELP, I NEED IDEAS! TAKING ANYTHING AT THIS POINT…

See you hopefully soon if I get un-grounded by February. Until then, I'll be working on an F I have in a class I hate.

Lastly… IDEAS! I'm on my knees begging you right now. Anything you want to see in future chapters, just review. Doesn't have to be long, a one-word review is fine, heck, I don't even care about grammar, you can just say 'pie' and that would be fine with me.


	16. The Teen Titan Saga

Aw, you guys… I have the best reviewers! ^^

I want to profusely thank every single one of you who reviewed. They were all awesome suggestions and I've cataloged and listed them all. Last chapter will not happen again.

Also, I've decided to add a new category to my list:

First Review: Shadowy Flip Flops of DOOM

Awesomest/Nicest Rewiew: Baconbitz

Funniest Review: Linzerj

Longest Review: Shadowy Flip Flops of DOOM (the second time)

Special mentions to: Entrapped In A Downward Spiral

* * *

Edward paced in his room in Titans' Tower (what?), thinking such profound thoughts as "Why the hell did I agree to marry a girl with so much baggage?" and "Why did Stephanie Meyer decide to make vampires sparkly, of all things?" when he heard a knock at his door.

David Boreanaz as Angel stood there looking bored. "Look, Buffy sent me because she was laughing her arse off and couldn't make it here today." He held up a wooden stake. "Can we get this over with?"

Edward laughed. "As if _that_ would hurt me. Burning me is the only way to kill me."

David Boreanaz as Angel got out a Bic lighter and proceeded to set the stake on fire. "Better?"

Edward nodded. "Much." David Boreanaz as Angel stabbed and killed him.

Vampire Bella walked in. "Oh, thank goodness. Can you do me next?"

David Boreanaz as Angel looked her up and down. "Sure, I'll do you."

Bella decked him. Buffy walked in, took David Boreanaz as Angel's flaming stake, and did away with Bella, Jasper, Alice, Carlisle, Renesmee, Esme, and all the other ones, along with the werewolves.

Raven appeared through the floor and held out a wad of cash. "Thanks."

Buffy turned to Raven. "You're welcome. For the record, though, I like Booth way more than Angel."

Raven nodded. "I agree. Now…" she pulled out a briefcase full of more money. "What say we chat about this Stephanie Meyer character?"

Buffy smirked, holding up a leash, at the end of which was a new vampie. "I was already on my way."

They shook on it.

* * *

That was only the first of my many new chapters to come! I know Twilight wasn't exactly requested, but it's just to tide you over while I write the better ones. More to come!

Again, thank you sooo much for all of your amazing reviews. I'm still accepting suggestions, don't worry.


	17. Argent and Bumblebee Feel Left Out

Hello everyone. I have nothing remarkable to say other than that I baked about 7 dozen cookies and I didn't like last chapter so much, so… Reviewer Awards!

First Review: Shadowy Flip Flops of DOOM

Awesomest/Nicest Review: broadwayfreak123

Funniest Review: Linzerj

Longest Review: broadwayfreak123

* * *

"Like, OMGizzle! I am like, totally the most popular, pinkest, meanest, bitchiest, unlikeable antagonist EVAHHHH!" Kitten said, dragging Dick/Richard along. He folded his arms, but Kitten didn't seem to be having too much trouble carrying him.

Starfire, in this version called Kori Anders and now from some random/made-up island from the Caribbean or something, was the new girl. Like always. Blackfire was now her sister and was named Mandy or something, and was interchangeable with Kitten, but in this version, the two teamed up or something. Cyborg was now Victor Stone, and was the star athlete, but not as good as Dick/Richard, since him and Kori were, like, TOTALLY made for each other! Jinx was nicknamed Jinx, and had… pink hair. She was going out with Wally West (or Victor, whichever way The Author decided), the star track runner because The Author was uncreative. Kole was also there, and named Kole, but Gnarrk wasn't for some reason. Beast Boy was Garfield Logan, who was either going out with Rachel Roth, aka Raven, or was going out with Terra, named as such. Depending on which way The Author swung pairing-wise, either Terra or Rachel was dumped for the other. Red X was Xavier, because it has an X in it too, and so on and so forth.

There were probably a bunch more like Aqualad, Argent, Bushido, and Control Freak, but whatever.

Kori walked into class on the first day of school (well, when else would she start?) and sat down. Dick/Richard was immediately entranced with her and didn't see her until after lunch, where he sat with everyone listed above, sighed about Kori like a lovesick puppy, was sexually harassed by Kitten (subsequently getting her lunch dumped on her by Kori), and spent the rest of the day musing about Kori and her perfect ass, boobs, and legs. I mean, her perfect hair, personality, and smile.

Then a chapter about Garfield and Rachel, who were clearly meant for each other. It ended with Rachel murdering- I mean, shoving him in a closet for the rest of the day.

Next was a chapter about Garfield and Terra, who were clearly meant for each other, ending in a date and Terra betraying him and joining Slade- I mean, dumping him for Xavier.

After that was a chapter about Garfield and Victor, who were clearly meant for each other (what?), ending in true love. The end.

Psych! No, it actually ended in prom, the crux of every high schooler's existence. Kitten was in a PINK dress, like in _Date with Destiny_, and Kori was in a PURPLE dress, like in _Date with Destiny_. Bumblebee, who had been completely forgotten up until now, was in a black and yellow dress. Why not. Garfield was in a green dress (what?) and was dancing with Victor, who was in a light blue dress (what?). Rachel was in an indigo tux, looking actually not bad, and was standing at the snack table bitching about Garfield with Terra, who was in a slutty yellow dress. The Kori and Dick/Richard were named prom KING and QUEEN like in _Date with Destiny_, and lived happily ever after.

The Author woke up clutching her head. "Crap, I hate clichés."

* * *

Next up: another request! I have enough to fill 18 more chapters...


	18. Oh Noes! Another Go at TT High!

Hello everyone. I have nothing remarkable to say other than that I baked about 7 dozen cookies and I didn't like last chapter so much, so… Reviewer Awards!

First Review: Shadowy Flip Flops of DOOM

Awesomest/Nicest Review: ilikeotters

Funniest Review: Linzerj

Longest Review: Sunshine. A

* * *

"Like, OMGizzle! I am like, totally the most popular, pinkest, meanest, bitchiest, unlikeable antagonist EVAHHHH!" Kitten said, riding Peru, the killer mutant moth down the halls of whatever high school she goes to, dragging Dick/Richard/Robin along. He scowled and allowed himself to be dragged.

Starfire, who was called Koriander/Kori Anders, was masquerading as a high school student to do… something. I think. It wasn't really clear. Actually, it wasn't really clear as to why anyone would write this piece of crap, but whatever.

In this story, everyone who sat at the same lunch table knew all of the secret identities. Red X, or Xavier at school, was the bad guy here. And occasionally Slade. He was a teacher, which highlights how teachers and other authority figures are evil or whatever. His teacher name was either Mr. Wilson or Mr. Deathstroke, depending on whether this was really that blatantly obvious or just a little obvious. The annoying teacher was obviously Mad Mod/Mr. Mod, who always hated Dick/Richard/Robin.

Anyway, Dick/Richard/Robin ate zorka berries which were supplied by Starfire/Kori Anders and immediately fell in love with her since she put a love spell on them or something. And then Robin moved in with Bruce again after living in Titans' tower, which doesn't really make any sense. Tim was his younger brother and Starfire/Kori got jealous of Barbara/Batgirl.

Red X/Xavier and Starfire/Kori went out on a date so that Starfire/Kori Anders could get back at Dick/Richard/Robin for going on a date with Barbara/Batgirl. Red X/Xavier tried to rape Starfire/Kori Anders or something, even though he had displayed no evil characteristics before and was now working with Slade/Mr. Wilson/Mr. Deathstroke (Seriously?). Apparently, The Author had just seen the sixth Harry Potter movie or something.

Dick/Richard/Robin saved Starfire/Kori Anders from Red X/Xavier (he's called Xavier since it's the most unoriginal name with an X at the beginning that The Author could think of) and Starfire/Kori Anders used her powers to get out of a burning building (what?) and Dick/Richard/Robin was amazed but didn't say anything.

Then there was a filler chapter with Gar dumping Terra/Tara or Rachel/Raven and hooking up with Rachel/Raven or Terra/Tara. And then there's something about Aqualad/Garth and Argent (rarely Toni, which is what she should be called) and Jinx and Kid Flash/Wally.

Next is either an Author's Note telling that the story won't continue or will be late, or a chapter where Batman/Bruce Wayne tells Starfire/Kori Anders that Dick/Richard/Robin is Robin, and Starfire/Kori Anders gets really mad and feels betrayed by Dick/Richard/Robin and hates him for about a chapter. Then Prom comes and everyone is happy again, including Rachel/Raven, which is kind of OOC.

* * *

Goodness. That felt good to get off of my chest. I've actually read one or two of these that weren't so bad, but … *shudder* one was really unpleasant. Anyway, enough with these stupid AUsicals, let's do something funny again! Next chapter is… is… DA FUTAAA!


	19. Silkie Doo, Where Are You?

Got this finished in honor of my friend's birthday. Happy birthday, Danielle!

Reviewer Awards:

First Review: Absolutely Unusual

Awesomest/Nicest Rewiew: Nightowl572

Funniest Review: ilikeotters

Longest Review: Absolutely Unusual

* * *

"Like, Zoinks! This creepy Slade guy can sure scare the pickles off my famous 12 foot sandwich!" Shaggy said to Silkie, his new sidekick. Scooby-Doo had taken up residence alternating between Beast Boy and Starfire's rooms, where The Author would inevitably make a chapter that would result in the fic being rated M.

Cyborg high-fived Fred. "We're remarkably similar for no reason!"

Raven scowled at Daphne, who was standing in her Daphne-pose and looking utterly ridiculous in the middle of Ops.

Robin was having coffee with Velma at a nearby café, discussing ways of taking bad guys down and setting traps for them.

Starfire walked in holding Scooby-Doo without a problem, as she was super strong, after all. "Friends, I have been watching many of the Earth cartoons and wish to inquire: are all of the Scooby Doo characters assembled here from the original series or merely from knockoffs?"

Fred shrugged. "I think I'm from the live action movies."

Daphne ignored Raven's hostility. "I'm from the newer, straight-to-video movies, such as Scooby Doo and Scooby-Doo and the Goblin King and Scooby-Doo and the Samurai Sword."

"Like, I'm from What's New, Scooby Doo?. You know, that series that got a bunch of washed up actors and talents and animated them, producing a whole new line of fanfiction, including crack fics, parodies, and everything in between," Shaggy supplied. "And Scoob's from the original series."

Velma telepathically answered Starfire. "I'm from the older straight-to-video movies, like Scooby-Doo on Zombie Island (one of The Author's personal favorite movies ever in terms of sheer awesomeness) and Scooby Doo and the Legend of the Vampire, which is still better than Twilight. Did you know that The Author has seen every episode of the original series as well as all of the TV and DVD specials, and ten of the movies?"

Raven got fed up and teleported all of the Scooby Doo characters to Azarath, including Velma. "Okay. I have a mystery. It's off that cliff over there."

Fred grinned. "Alright, gang! Let's go!" Raven proceeded to push them off the cliff with her powers and returned to the tower.

"Muuuuch better," she sighed, going to her room.

"Aw, man. Fred and I had nothing in common yet for some unknown reason we were best friends," Cyborg lamented.

"Dude, have you noticed we've been killing off a lot of people recently?"

* * *

I love Scooby-Doo... *sigh*


	20. The Myth of the Metal Romance

First Review: Linzerj

Longest Review: ThisShouldBeBlowingYourMind

Special thanks to both of you… no virtual cake for everyone who didn't review… .

Anyway, I should be blamed for not updating in a while, but I hope you'll forgive me. My grandma's in the hospital and I've been given the usual onslaught of post-vacation homework that's kept me busy for hours at a time. Sorry again, and I hope you appreciate me skipping a homework assignment for you guys. *Sniffs while looking at report card*

* * *

Cyborg huffed as he sat down on the couch and turned on the television. Surrounding him were all of the other Titans making out with their main canon love interest.

Suddenly, Robin raised his head and looked at his watch. "Alright guys, let's switch." Starfire and Raven got up without question and Raven sat down next to Robin while Starfire sat uncomfortably between Aqualad and Speedy.

Beast Boy scowled and picked up a game controller. "Are you playing or not?" he snapped at Cyborg.

"Um… yeah, I guess. What's going on?"

"I GET CRANKY WHEN I'M HORMONAL! WHAT'S WRONG WITH A GUY BEING HORMONAL?" Beat Boy yelled, nearly snapping the controller in half.

"No, actually, I was taking about the make out sessions. But, um, good to know, I suppose."

Beast Boy acted like he hadn't said anything a minute ago. "Oh, this is just our regular Tuesday afternoon. You're usually with the T-car on Tuesday afternoons, so we figured we'd join you."

"So… how long have I been missing these giant orgy parties? Wait, wait, wait. What do you mean by 'join me'?"

"Well, we figured that since you're with the T-car so much, that you two were… well, never mind. But this has been going on for about a year now."

"A _year_? How did I miss this?"

"You and the T-car must be pretty loud."

"She does have twelve foot tall stereos that violate the laws of matter," Cyborg admitted proudly.

"That's not- never mind."

"So, wait, if these are all the usual couplings, where's Terra?"

Beast Boy stared at Cyborg. "She's a _rock_, dude."

"Oh, sorry. In most of these kinds of fics, Terra's sober. You know, not stoned?"

"Ha ha, very funny. I'm just sick of only getting action in the first and fourth rounds."

"Raven in round one, so who…?"

"The pairing most people hate, me and Starfire."

"You get to make out with Starfire?"

"If you joined us, you could make out with Bee, Raven, and Starfire. Maybe even Robin or me on the second Tuesday of the month. That's crack fic day." He winked. "Raven and Starfire go at it, too."

"…You people are really disturbing."

Beast Boy beamed. "Aren't we?"

"Uh, yeah. I'm… gonna go back to the T-car. And we _don't_ make out!" Cyborg added over his shoulder as he went into the garage.

Beast Boy waved. "Have fun!" His watch beeped and he looked at it excitedly. "Round two!" He announced to the 'amorous' teens.

They reluctantly parted and Aqualad and Speedy left immediately. Beast Boy clapped hurriedly. "Come on people, hurry up, hurry up."


	21. CARAZY Adventures

HOLY. CRAP. I finished this three weeks ago but forgot about it and never started the next chapter... forgive me! *Bows down*

Also, the full title for this chapter is: "The Ca-raaaazy Adventures of... aw, screw it, it's a terrible pun."

* * *

Robin looked around at his fellow compatriots. "So… how did we end up here again?" He looked forward as the Joker stared blankly at him from across the hall of Arkham Asylum.

Beast Boy sat in the corner and drooled as he stared at Poison Ivy.

Raven scowled, as Malchior wasn't present.

Starfire was busy boring a hole through the wall.

Cyborg was on a self-proclaimed 'date' with the security system, which consisted of him chatting the control panel up.

Robin glanced around, and upon realizing that everyone was ignoring him anyway, he slumped to the floor. "Raven," he said in a monotone.

"What?" she snapped from her corner.

"Why haven't you teleported us out of here yet?"

"I didn't feel like it!" she roared, Trigonizing.

Robin lifted his head, unfazed. "Could you, please?"

Raven shrugged, all traces of her anger completely gone. "Sure," she replied nonchalantly. There was a flash of black energy and suddenly, everyone, including every single person rightfully locked up in Arkham, was standing in the living room of the tower.

"I think you did something wrong," Robin said obviously as Starfire continued to obliviously bore a hole in the Titan mainframe.

Beast Boy sat in the corner and drooled as he stared at Poison Ivy.

Cyborg looked around, startled. "Cindy? NOOOOOOOOO!" he shouted, and muttered something, clearly quite put out. He stomped down to the garage to apologize to his one true love after flirting with another for so long.

Silkie managed to eat the Ventriloquist and Scarface, but spit the puppet back out, leaving Harvey Dent to vent his frustration by having a mock-trial with himself as judge, the Joker as Silkie's lawyer, the Riddler as the criminal prosecution, and a jury of the Penguin, Harley Quinn, Clayface, Killer Croc, and Arnold Schwarzenegger as Mr. Freeze.

It was kind of a failure, however, as Harley Quinn thought "Mistah J" could do no wrong, and Killer Croc ate Arnold Schwarzenegger as Mr. Freeze. Penguin thought the whole endeavor was boring and shuffled away to God-knows-where in the tower, mostly just wandering, and Clayface was the only one with an actual opinion.

Harvey Dent sighed and began to flip his coin frustratedly.

Then, Inky realized just how long it had been since she'd updated, and she posted her chapter, finished or not.


	22. Chatroominess

MetalDude010101010101010101: Hey y'all! Even though we have no reason at all to be using instant messenger while we all live in the same house and also have never been seen with computers except for the Titan mainframe, we're still chatting because the YouTube community thought it would be a good idea!

Chartreuse_Alien_from_Tamaran: You are correct Cyborg. I mean MetalDude. And even though I have no reason to really have any working knowledge of technology this advanced as per the Titans cartoon, I am still able to figure this computer out.

: Why is my username so frigging ridiculous?

: mines really cool.

: I really despise The Author today.

_has changed her username_.

PinkPonyFluffikins: WTF! Quit it!

PinkPonyFluffikins _has signed off._

_has changed his username_.

GAYYYYYpixieshorts: CYBORG!

GAYYYYYpixieshorts _has changed his away message: _Off to beat Cyborg's ass.

MetalDude010101010101010101: Shiiiiiiiiit…

MetalDude010101010101010101 _has changed his username._

LOL_I'm_in_an_affair_with_the_toaster: AM NOT!

Chartreuse_Alien_from_Tamaran: Um, I wish to also change my username…

Chartreuse_Alien_from_Tamaran _has changed her username._

: me 2! Mine is so 5 min ago.

_has changed his username._

Horny_Pony: I believe this is a better name…

GAYYYYYpixieshorts: Uhhhh… Star… is that supposed to be unicorn?

Horny_Pony: No.

GAYYYYYpixieshorts: o.0

GAYYYYYpixieshorts _has signed off_.

Horny_Pony _has signed off_.

BeastMAN: i cud have lived my whole life noing that.

LOL_I'm_in_an_affair_with_the_toaster _has changed his username._

MetalDude010101010101010101: I hear you, dude. I wonder where Raven went?

*Offscreen Explosion*

BeastMAN: theres ur answer. shes fighting The Author, i guess.

THE ULTIMATE: HAHAHAHA! Your "Raven" is no more!... or, actually, she just doesn't have IM anymore. BUT STILL!

THE ULTIMATE _has signed off._

MetalDude010101010101010101: Is it just me, or did The Author actually put effort into this chapter?

BeastMAN: ya… mabe she waz just tryna get her readers back.

MetalDude010101010101010101: I hope it worked. If not, imma be mad.

BeastMAN: scale 1-10, Crash being 1 and The End pointlessness being 10?

MetalDude010101010101010101: 3, Overdrive.

BeastMAN: eh, not to bad. you gotta do a lot better then that if your gonna make any1 afraid.

MetalDude010101010101010101: I could go 10 on your ass in Super Generic Car Game.

BeastMAN: bring it on, metal butt.

BeastMAN _has signed off._

MetalDude010101010101010101 _has signed off._

JustRaven: Hello?

JustRaven: Excellent. How's it going?

Anti-Ultimate: I have almost secured the imperative object, and it will ship to your house within 7-10 business days.

TO BE CONTINUED….


	23. Raven's Mock Angst

Raven sighed and moped about, occasionally jotting something down in her diary. "Oooooooh. I'm just soooooooo emo today," she sighed, and sighed again. "If only there was someone to comfort me and share my troubles with!"

She passed Robin, who was slitting his wrists about Slade and Starfire who was crying or something about how useless and bitchy her boyfriend was. She siiiiiiiiiighed and moved past them.

She trudged past Beast Boy's room and heard him being the Inner Beast thing inside and sobbing about how his life was pretty much ruined because he was green and smelled like Pizza. She siiiiiiiiiighed and kept going.

She lumbered away and came across Cyborg's room where she found him hating his metal body and how he'd lost everything and such, but she siiiiiiiiiighed and kept walking.

"Noooooooo one understaaaaaaaaands me!" she wailed, writing depressing poetry, but The Author wasn't talented/confident enough to share it. She eventually walked so far she reached OC's room.

OC was a Pink Pony Fluffikins who liked everything pink and was never sad a day in her life, and liked Starfire's cooking and helped Robin study for tests about Slade and thought Beast Boy smelled good and was a mechanical protégé and called Raven 'Rae' and Raven didn't mind, but had a dark and tragical past about how her family beat her perfectly and from that she developed perfect (read: convenient) powers that perfectly helped perfectly in every perfect situation and perfectly defeated every Titan villain ever. In fact, she was so perfect, her superheroine name was Perfectness gurl and she always won no matter what.

It was she who Raven turned to in her moment of angst. "Ohhhhhhhhh, Perfectness gurl, pleeeeeeeeeease help me, I'm reeeeeeeeeally emo todaaaaaaaaaaaay. And I need someone to proofread my diary. Plllleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease?"

Perfectness gurl looked up from her Hello Kitty drawing cause she was scene and cool and stuff. "Did you say something? I totally spaced."

Raven, who would normally have castrated anyone else who treated her that way, was totally cool with it. "Ohhhhhhhhh, Perfectness gurl, pleeeeeeeeeease help me, I'm reeeeeeeeeally emo todaaaaaaaaaaaay. And I need someone to proofread my diary. Plllleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease?" she repeated.

Perfectness gurl, who was totally used to dealing with these sorts of situations, nodded in a cool-ish way. "I suppose I could help you. Just make it quick, My Little Pony: The Power of Friendship starts in a few minutes."

"Thaaaaaaaaaank you!" Raven proceeded to tell Perfectness gurl about how sucky her life was and about how she had to eventually kill her father since The Author wrote this sometime in the middle of watching the fourth season, and about how nobody luuuuuuuuuuuuved her except the Gay Emo Kid from Sisters.

Perfectness gurl used her perfect powers to create a power that created dudes, and she made a random Hot Guy for Raven to smex.

Thaaaaaaaaaanks, Perfectness gurl!" Raven said, walking back out of the Pink Pony Fluffikins room with her new Hot Guy boyfriend with no birth certificate or legal papers.

Kyaaaaaaa, I am SO sorry!


	24. The Author's Note

Robin stood in front of a camera crew, behind which there was an audience, and cleared his throat. "The Author has asked me to pass a message along…" He proceeded to pull a scroll out from behind his back. He held the top as the end rolled out at least Ten Feet over the ground and into the audience.

He cleared his throat dramatically again and began speaking – well, shouting really, but for not real reason. "I, THE AUTHOR, HEREBY WISH TO APOLOGIZE FOR TAKING A RIDICULOUSLY LONG TIME TO UPDATE, AND FOR NEGLECTING SUCH CHARACTERS INTEGRAL TO THE PLOT AS–"

A war-cry was heard and in a blur of traffic colors, Robin was tackled offscreen. There were some muffled grunts and the sound of paper ripping, before the Author stood up, hair slightly mussed and glassed askew, but beaming innocently.

"Hello there!" she said into the camera. "It seems the characters have revolted, doesn't it? Well, no matter, I shall just write myself as a Sue." She snapped her fingers and was suddenly wearing the most super-duper awesome fragilistic chocolat-fountain-y costume evah. And it was also epic. "Now then, to deal with the unruly Titans." She sent a death glare at the suddenly-appeared group of Titans. You could tell it was a death glare because there was an anime-ish bolt of lightning from her glasses.

1 HOUR LATER

The Author, completely unscathed, held the camera in front of her, Dark Knight Joker style, and it was apparent that both the audience and camera crew had fled quite early into the torture of the Main Characters.

""See, this is how crazy the Titans have made me!" she said in a vaguely familiar breathless voice.

The Titans seemed to also be physically unharmed, but Cyborg was on his side in the fetal position, sucking his thumb while anime-ish tears streamed down his face.

Robin and Beast Boy clung to each other, quaking in fear, as Silky devoured Robin's cape and hair, happily oblivious.

Starfire huddled behind Raven's cloak, while Raven herself turned a page in her Complete Works of William Shakespeare calmly.

The Author seemed to ignore this and instead zoomed in on the other four. "People will die. I'm a woman of my word."

Then, she cackled maniacally as pens and paperclips resembling those of the old Microsoft Office Helpers came in and ties up all but Raven.

* * *

I apparently went on an unannounced hiatus. Sorry bout that. I have a few chapters that I'll be uploading immediately – I'm not exactly pacing myself. ^.^ Thank you all for being so faithful even after my absence!

~Inky


	25. The Pyrotechnics of the Titans

Starfire stretched out languidly on the couch watching Cyborgfire and Beast Fire play on the Console of Copyright Issues and Robinfire was cheering on Cyborgfire. Ravenfire sat on the very edge of the couch for some reason, reading.

Suddenly, Ravenfire slammed her antique book closed, turning it to a pile of dust in her lap. She didn't seem to notice. "Okay, who's bright idea was it to make us all siblings? And for that matter, _Starfire's_ siblings?"

Robinfire didn't answer. Instead, he went about erasing the 'apostrophe s' from Ravenfire's word balloon and replacing it with 'se'.

Cyborgfire shrugged nonchalantly. "Dunno, y'all. I guess we retained the way we talk, not to mention our backgrounds, and I'm the only one who's not out a love interest, so it doesn't really matter to me. Y'all."

Starfire sulked. "I am no longer able to have teh smex with Robinfire because the brother-sister incest is the creepy and would get the flames from the readers. I mean, illegal. Probably." It was unclear whether probably referred to whether brother-sister incest was illegal or if it referred to what Starfire actually meant to say.

Ravenfire did a Picard facepalm and pulled Robinfire by the collar so that he could the rage and hatred burning deep within her soul through her eyes. "Fix this. Now," she growled in a way that would have Arnold Schwarzenegger himself trembling like Dr. Light.

Robinfire appeared unphazed. "Sure. One question – Larry or obscene wealth?"

Ravenfire massaged her temple. "Let's try not to drag any more superfluous wastes of animation into this."

"Larry it is." Robinfire skipped away… somewhere.

"Not what I meant…" Ravenfire muttered, her hand over her eyes. "Just because the money in Kaichou wa Maid-sama is CGI doesn't mean it is here. We can only hope that The Author wouldn't allow it."

Just then, a flash of purple appeared next to Ravenfire, accompanied by a loud bang and hundreds of CG dollar bills floated down from the ceiling. "HEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYY! Miss me?"

"Not particularly," she deadpanned, emptying her hood of the counterfeit money.

The Author pouted. "That's not very nice, Ravenfire. I am the one who writes you, remember?" she threatened.

"I'll still exist in the show, fanart, and not to mention thousands upon thousands of fanfics. Unfortunately."

"But in THIS CONTINUITY you won't exist! Isn't that devastating? ISN'T IT?"

"Not quite."

"IT SHOULD BE!" The Author screamed, then composed herself. "Fine. That just means I'll have to take care of a… few things. I shall see you later, creatures of my bidding. Mwa hahahahah! Ahem."

And with another puff of purple smoke and another loud bang, The Author was gone, leaving a huge mess of fake, illegal money everywhere.

"And there goes my sanity," Ravenfire said, getting ready to meditate.

Larryfire appeared via giant pimple on Robinfire's face. "Hi everybody!" he said in a REALLY prepubescent voice. He seemed to not really notice Starfire as much anymore. "Did you guys forgive me for breaking reality last time?"

"NO," they all chorused, Robinfire in particular louder than the rest. "Don't even remind me. The fans were relentless asking where the hell was it I'd gone for that five seconds of screentime."

Larryfire gave a familiar "Oops." Then he shrugged. "I'm under contract to help you with whatever you need this time. What's going on?"

"If you haven't noticed, we're all related," Ravenfire commented dryly.

"Oh yeah. So that's why I don't feel all weird when Starfire's around. Well, anyway, I'm afraid only The Author can help you out of this one."

"DUUUDE! NOT FAIR! For… some reason," Beast Fire said, trying to figure out what was so bad about all being siblings.

"Nothing I can do!" Larryfire said cheerfully, and Disapperated.

"Why didn't he do that before?" Robinfire muttered sulkily. "I'll have a headache for weeks."

"Quit complaining, Bitchy McBitchpants. Fire. We'll just have to summon… HER."

"HER?"

"The Author," Ravenfire replied with a raised eyebrow.

"Oh, never mind."

"Who are you, anyway?" she asked.

"YOU WILL NEVER KNOW."

"Whatever."

There was another flash, this time green smoke and counterfeit pesos came raining down on the Titans. This hurt much more because the particular pesos that came down were coins.

"Will you put things back the way they were?" Ravenfire asked crossly.

The Author sighed. "Very well. But! For a price."

"What do you want?"

"Unlimited power over you five!" She cackled with evil laughter as a thunderclap sounded and a bolt of lightning flashed behind her.

"Not that I like reminding myself of this, but you already _do_ control us," Ravenfire pointed out.

"Oh yeah… um, how about just an AU chapter?"

"OH GOD NO." Lightbulbs exploded behind Ravenfire.

"It's either that or stay related," The Author said deviously and slyly and wonderfully, examining her nails.

"Hmph. Fine. But ONLY ONE. And it has to be short."

"Deal." There was a poof of blue smoke and The Author was gone.

Raven looked around. "Is there even any difference?"

Robin looked up at the narration. "LOOK! We're back to normal!"

"It would seem so. Alrighty. Now that we just wasted an entire chapter on this, I think we should eat something. But nothing tofu. Or pizza. How about Chinese food?" Raven asked. "I think that's different."

Robin shrugged. "Whatever. We're gonna be spending a lot of time in the cafeteria next chapter anyway."

Raven double facepalmed.


	26. High School of Hello Operator

Richard (derogatorily nicknamed Dick at select times) Grayson, for the first time saw the most beautiful angel with the most stunning smile and GORGEOUS EYES he had ever seen – aside from himself, of course.

She was a foreigner, of course. She was also the new transfer student. Conveniently, her name was still Starfire because of some exploited loophole.

Unfortunately, Galfore knocked Dick unconscious for so much as glancing at his beloved Bumgorf.

Dick was revived by way of Beast Boy's – whoops, _Gar_'_s_ dirty gym socks. This was courtesy of either Raven or Rachel Roth, depending on whether Miss R. liked Edgar Allen Poe. In fact, it was kind of weird that she had a smelly old sock of Gar's, but whatever. She's basically a ninja anyway.

Anyway, Ravchel Ninja Roth revived Dick and read his mind. Somehow. And she saw that he had been thinking about Starfire or Kori and that he wasn't thinking about banging her and she knew that he was in true love with her. Somehow.

Then Cyborg came over to the lunch table, who was actually named Victor, but that's just too long to type so people just call him Vic. He was joined by Gar and Terra, who was now in the picture for some reason, along with Wally, Alan, Karen (Bee), Mr. Mod, and Mrs. Hive and some form of Jinx and possibly Argent.

It was also assumed that the Titans (for that is their unofficial/official clique name) were very bored because their AU selves couldn't save the world and whatnot, that they ALL have intense gambling addictions. And there was already a pot going on Dick and Starfire. And Terra was the bookie.

But anyway, Starfire came and hugged them all and suffocated them. It was noted that this did not kill them, merely incapacitated them until Ravchel came along and shoved Gar's sock in their faces.

Then Kitten dressed in PINK twirled over – because it is assumed that this is how she moves – and sexually harassed Dick Grayson.

Starfire's GORGEOUS EYES glowed or something and she punched Kitten out, so hard that she flew across the cafeteria (and it was a large cafeteria) but didn't suffer any repercussions because, hey, no one likes Kitten anyway.

With that, she was asked to join the team- I mean, the lunch table. Yeah.

Mad Mod called Dick a wanker and Vic a snot. And bitchslapped Gar. But he didn't suffer any repercussions because, hey, no one likes Gar anyway.

Terra shoved the mate to Ravchel's gym sock into Gar's face, as they were dating. And only someone you love and trust would shove a deadly poisonous green sock into your face.

Anyway, Starfire and Richard looked at each other for the first time and Starfire flew a little, which freaked everyone out. But Dick said it was okay, because he was Robin. That freaked everyone out even more.

Then he spun around and his Robin suit was on, which didn't really freak people out. After all, he's a superhero now. And a high school student. Simultaneously. Sure, why not.

Then Blackfire came in, who was strangely only referred to as either Bitchfire or Komand'r. Kombitch swooped down and killed Starfire, but actually just faked everyone out. They were, needless to say, freaking out.

Robin developed the ability to have super amazingness for about thirty seconds. He jumped and grabbed Komand**'**r's shoe, pulling it off. Then, in one of his smartest moments, he threw the shoe at her. She was knocked unconscious. Somehow.

There was much rejoicing, in which Terra gathered a lot of money, Mr. Mod swore at everyone in British, Mrs. Hive printed her face on milk cartons, Jinx stole something because she's apparently a klepto, Argent wasn't really there, and Dick and Starfire went to the hospital and lived happily ever after.

Then Galfore decked Gar, but he didn't suffer any repercussions because, hey, no one likes Gar anyway.

I'm such a hypocrite - I actually like AU's. But I gotta do what I gotta do. ^.^


End file.
